Are you planning to get married or go into a relationship that will lead to marriage?

Well, we all know that not all relationships, no matter how sweet
and romantic it may be end up in marriage. Many of them do crash on the way.
But lets go on. If you are planning to get married or go into a relationship that
will subsequently lead to marriage, it may well pay you good to squeeze out
time out of your busy schedule to read and ponder over this question; Did I
Marry Or Am I Dating The Right Person?
Those who are still single may learn something from here....Those who are
already married may take it as a guideline to improve their marriage....DID I
MARRY OR AM I DATING THE RIGHT PERSON?
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your
partner or spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, dreamt of
being in the arms of each other, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love
with your partner or spouse wasn't hard. Infact, it is a completely natural and
spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's
called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the
imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there;
doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a
few years into the relationship/marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the
natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a
bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens),
and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about
your relationship or marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the
initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent
stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking , "Did I marry or am i
dating the right person?" And as you and your partner/spouse reflect on the
euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with
someone else. This is when relationships/marriages breakdown. People blame
their partner/spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship/
marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most
obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive
TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage or
relationship, whichever you may be in. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you
couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd
feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen
carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN A MARRIAGE OR RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING
THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just
happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in
and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes
WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make
no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can
do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage/relationship.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also
laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you
physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your
marriage/relationship stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and
apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love. Please not
'make love' in the context we understand today, i.e, having sex. That is not
what i meant here please.
Love in marriage/relationship is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .
Watch out for the part two of this write up next week. Till then, I remain yours
truly.